My Blog

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Phillip is my oldest son, born October 13, 1988.  I was married to his dad at 16 and had him the next year, there were many things that added into Phillip's problems, most of all his dad's drinking and my uneducated views and information.  

Phillip was in and out of trouble from the time he was 11 on.  But in the last 2 years of his life, he had made peace with many things including us, me and his sister and nieces.  No matter what, Phillip had changed a lot in the last couple of years.  

Now meet Joshua, my youngest son, born May 18, 1996.  He had scholarships in choir, went to Co State Wresting tournament three years in a row, in general, a pretty good kid.  They were all good kids before drugs.  What happened, no one but those two will really know, but in a park bathroom on December 30, 2019, Joshua shot Phillip twice killing him.  

Our lives forever changed in that instant.  Our whole family was changed forever in so many ways.  It is unfathomable. It cannot have happened.  There are many responses to what happened.  The first year was a very dark dark existence for us, my daughter and I and Jose, the kid's dad.  

We have went from shock and just plain not understanding, to anger and physical pain. How could you have a son that would kill his brother?  How can you not have either of your sons?  Burying a child was like an out of body experience for me honestly.  I watched and listened, but couldn't really understand what was happening.